Sometimes our parents have a lot to say about the degree we choose and we don't always agree. What do we do? We are no longer children
In fact, we are probably of legal age or about to be: why do our parents think they can choose our career and the university
eTítulo we should have? To what extent can they control our future? Being realistic, their ability to control us is directly proportional to our economic dependence on them. This is how it is and we have to accept it, but now that we are adults, let's try to analyze what is happening with a certain maturity and look for solutions.
My parents want to ruin me
No. Let's think calmly. No one in the world wants to financially support their child for four years just to see them study something that makes them tremendously unhappy and enjoy their pain. Even though we may see everything very dark right now, we know that our parents always want the best for us, so if they are choosing the studies we should do without taking into account what we want, it is because they think it is the best option and that we will thank them later.
Time to think
The first thing we should do is consider their opinion. Once we discard the intrinsic evilness of our parents, we can only assume a series of questions:
- Our parents know us better than we think.
- They have more years of experience than us.
- Their advice deserves to be listened to and taken into account.
- However, our future belongs to us.
Once we have accepted this, the ideal thing is to take some time to reflect on our decisions. Why do our parents want us to study that degree and not the one we want? Are their arguments wrong? To what extent do we dislike the degree they have chosen and to what extent do we like the one we have chosen? Could we do a double degree? Now that we have found the answers to these questions, we need to prepare ourselves to negotiate with our parents, but in an assertive and calm manner. Shouting and slamming doors are not considered constructive dialogue anywhere in the world.
And what do we do to negotiate with them?
The first thing is to present ourselves with clear ideas, but with humility. If our decision is firm about what we want to study and we are not going to accept their proposal, then we will have to explain our reasons in a way that shows that our option has been carefully considered, their ideas have been taken into account, and that we have better arguments than "you know all my friends are going to study that". The first thing we could say is something like this: "I have been thinking a lot about what you have advised me to study and I have come to a series of conclusions that I would like you to listen to". Once we have their attention, we can use the
sandwich technique so that the news is not received with too much hostility. We would start by praising their idea: "It is true that the degree you propose to me has many opportunities and could give me an excellent job in the future". Now comes the bad news: "However, after reading the entire syllabus, I see that it is a degree that I would not like to study, so my academic record would suffer, and it is also not a future profession that I would like to pursue, so by doing this degree I would spend a lot of time in my life suffering. On the other hand, the degree that I like also has opportunities and I would be able to work in what is my vocation; so, even though your opinion is very valuable to me and I know that you only want to help me and make my life easier, I truly believe that I must stick to my decision". And the finishing touch: "I want you to know that I know that you only want the best for me and that I have taken your proposal into serious consideration. I love you very much and I am sure that when you see the good results I achieve in my studies, you will be more calm and proud". And that's it. A little diplomacy, a little flattery, and a little emotional blackmail, and it is very likely that everything will go well. But if that's not the case and they become very stubborn, we can try to reach an agreement such as changing majors if we fail or studying two degrees instead of one degree and a master's degree. We know our parents, we will surely know how to find the best way for everyone to be happy in the negotiation.
